When I was still struggling to make sense of what was going on with my second son, I found Different by Sally Clarkson in a thrift bookstore. Some friends had highly recommended her to me a couple of years back, and I’d already read a few of her books, like the Life-Giving Home and the Life-Giving Table, so I had a level of trust for what she had to say.
The description on the book’s back cover caught my attention: Sally co-wrote Different with her son Nathan, whom she describes as her “out-of-the-box” kid. I felt that was a very fitting description for my son, too, so I bought the book.
The first time I read it, I was reading it through the lens of how to help my son. The second time I read it, I read it through the lens of having discovered my own neurodivergence and needing to make sense of it. Now I’m re-reading it for the third time, and I’m still gleaning a lot from it!
What’s to Love about Different by Sally Clarkson
Thinking back on my reading, here are some of the things I loved about the book:
Nathan offered his perspective as a neurodivergence person.
After years of confusion, the Clarksons finally had some “answers” to Nathan’s bewildering behavior: Nathan had diagnoses like Attention Deficit Hyperactivtity Disorder (ADHD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
As an adult diagnosed late with neurodivergence myself, Nathan’s insights were one of the very first I encountered that helped me make sense of a lot of what I was going through. I especially loved the original poem that they put in the introduction of the book, and I believe that also inspired me to process my own feelings about my condition through writing my own poetry.
Sally is very open about her own weaknesses and struggles.
I remember telling my husband that sometimes, reading books about parenting can make me feel like a failure, like everyone else can do it while I can’t. I noticed that Sally is very transparent and vulnerable about the times she can’t give Nathan what she knows she should. It lets me feel safe about admitting my own failures and resolve to do better next time.
They share stories from the whole family’s experience.
Neurodivergence doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It’s always the family that gets the brunt of meltdowns and difficult behavior, so I loved how we got a glimpse of how Nathan’s condition affected the parents and even his siblings.
Top 3 Things I Learned from Different by Sally Clarkson
Here are some of the things I learned from Sally Clarkson’s Different:
1. Parenting is not about having perfectly-behaved children.
I suppose this is one lie that all of us parents tend to struggle with, which also makes the whole issue of parenting a neurodivergent child more difficult. But when we know that it’s not about making sure they behave all the time, or as Sally puts it, “stay within the box,” we can have the freedom to let them be who they are and for us to understand them as they really are.
2. Parenting is about knowing each individual child.
Sally shares about how other well-meaning parents can have suggestions and advice about what to do with her children, but that it’s more important for parents to get to know each individual child. The parents are the ones who know our children the best, and then we can decide what we need to do.
3. Building an atmosphere of safety is crucial for neurodivergence.
I especially loved the section that describes how Sally and her husband Clay intentionally create an atmosphere of safety in the home—a place where each child (neurodivergent or neurotypical) can feel safe to be who they truly are. One struggle with ND conditions is our need to mask and pretend, but in a home where we feel safe, we can let down these guards and be loved for who we are.
4. Parenting is a journey of growth through the daily choices of love.
One thing that really struck me is when Sally describes her parenting journey as God’s way of training her in humility and patience. It’s not always easy, but each choice to love her kids unconditionally trains her in these unseen character traits.
Book Review of Sally Clarkson’s Different: Highly Recommended
In conclusion, I would heartily recommend Sally Clarkson’s Different, whether you are parenting a neurodivergent child or you yourself are a neurodivergent parent.
If you’ve bought and read the book, let us know what you think in the comments below!