Is It a Temper Tantrum or Sensory Meltdown?

As parents, we always want our children to be well-behaved. And when they act up, we usually have discipline strategies up our sleeves to make sure they go back to the expected behavior. After all, we don’t want to be that parent whose kid throws temper tantrums in the middle of the supermarket just because we’re not buying that sweet treat! 

But do you know that not all instances of acting out can be solved by disciplinary measures? We’re talking about cases where the child is actually not throwing a tantrum, but is instead undergoing a sensory meltdown. 

What is a Sensory Meltdown? 

First things first, let’s define what a sensory meltdown is. 

Our brains receive input through our 8 senses: sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, movement, balance, and internal bodily sensations. Everyone receives these sensory inputs in different intensities. 

People with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) usually internalize these inputs in two extremes versus the average: some are more sensitive and process these inputs too intensely, while the other extreme would be those who are less sensitive and seem to respond to these inputs less. 

When a person gets too much of any of these sensory inputs, he or she may feel overwhelmed, or overloaded. This is where the term sensory overload comes from. Another word for this is dysregulation, or being unable to regulate their emotions. 

A sensory meltdown is essentially a breakdown that happens when someone is overstimulated with sensory input. The important thing to remember is that when this happens, it’s not the child’s fault; usually, it’s because of their specific brain wiring that makes sensory processing a challenge. (This is where the concept of neurodivergence comes in!)

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) can be a stand-alone condition, but children with other neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) may also have co-occurring sensory processing difficulties. 

Are meltdowns and tantrums the same? 

A temper tantrum and a sensory meltdown may look the same on the outside. But they come from totally different causes, and the way to deal with them are also completely different. Here are some main differences: 

What causes it? 

• Sensory Meltdown: A sensory meltdown usually comes from overstimulation and overwhelmed senses. This is not something within the child’s control, because that’s just the way his brain perceives these sensory inputs. At too much stimulation, the meltdown happens, and the child may end up crying, fighting, or shutting down. 

• Temper Tantrum: A temper tantrum, on the other hand, happens when a child doesn’t get what he or she wants. In frustration, or if he struggles to communicate his needs and desires, it may result in full-blown crying—looking very similar to a meltdown. 

What’s the goal? 

• Sensory Meltdown: In a sensory meltdown, the child usually does not have any conscious “goal” except to get away from the overstimulation. This may be why he or she can calm down once taken to a different room. 
• Temper Tantrum: In a tantrum, the child’s goal is usually to grab an adult’s attention or to get something that he wants. Not to be too blunt, but it can be seen as a manipulation tactic. 

Can the child be distracted? 

• Sensory Meltdown: When a child is in meltdown, no amount of redirecting will work. The child will usually be in fight-flight-freeze mode; therefore he or she will not be receptive to any logical conversation. 
• Temper Tantrum: A child throwing a tantrum may still be effectively redirected to something that captures his fancy. 

How does the child recover? 

• Sensory Meltdown: In a meltdown, it usually takes time for the child to calm back down. And this can only happen once the offensive stimulus is taken away. 
• Temper Tantrum: In a tantrum, once the child gets what he wants, he can usually stop crying almost automatically. 

Identifying a Tantrum or a Meltdown 

The challenge is that it may not always be easy to detect whether a child is having a temper tantrum or a sensory meltdown. Here are some practical tips that may help. (*But please do remember that it’s still always a case-to-case basis and requires parental discretion!)

1. If possible, take a few steps backward and try to identify what caused it. 

We say “if possible” because we know it’s NOT always possible to see what happened a few minutes before the child’s acting out! What makes it even more difficult is that, usually close to impossible to get any information out of a crying child. 

But because you’re aware of the possibility of its being a sensory meltdown, it may help to take stock of the surroundings. For example, is the environment noisy and something that you know would have triggered your child? Are the lights too bright, or are too many people pressing into him or her than he or she is normally comfortable with? 

2. Guide them to a quiet place to calm down. 

Whether it’s a meltdown or a tantrum, bring your child to a quiet place. For a meltdown, this will help him relax away from the stimuli. Help them take deep breaths by demonstrating it yourself. Alternatively, having them sip water through a straw has also been proven to help. 

For a tantrum, the quiet place will allow you to talk with your child and hear each other more clearly. If it’s a tantrum, chances are, he will start to express what it was that he wanted that he did not have, or you can make intelligent guesses. (For example, if the crying started when you were about to leave a playdate, you can ask, “Are you upset that we need to leave?”) 

3. Try to redirect your child. 

If you’re not yet certain if it’s a tantrum or a meltdown, you can try redirecting your child to other things. Make sure to speak in a calm, reassuring voice. Then observe if he or she is still making conscious decisions. If you notice the fight-flight-freeze mode in full throttle, chances are high that it’s a meltdown. In that case, redirecting will not work. 

Dealing with Tantrums and Meltdowns 

Whether your child is having a tantrum or a meltdown, the challenge is for you, as the parent, to remain calm! We know this is not always easy to do. 

The important thing to remember is that these outbursts are not our fault, so we can be the adult that helps them get back to a state of calm.